Midwinter as the New Start
The first week of February as a turning point toward Spring, an increase in energy from post holiday. I present to you: the birthing of my substack and my child.
History bit on Midwinter, Imbolc, and Lunar New Year
Welcome to Midwinter—a time on the seasonal Wheel of the Year between Winter Solstice (December 21) and Spring Equinox (March 21). The Wheel is a form of relativity that keeps me mindful in my own spiritual relationship to myself and life on this planet.
The Wheel of the Year, mostly observed now in modern paganism which stems from Pagan, Celtic, Wiccan, and pre-Christian religions of Europe and North America, is symbolic in essence of celebration for the relativity between the timing of the Sun and the Earth. The Wheel of the Year represents the spirituality of sunlight’s role on our planet and in our beings; the changes between darkness and light.
Midwinter, also known as Imbolc, is the feast day of St. Brigid who was known as a pagan goddess of fertility, poetry, and creativity. An Irish descendent, she was later adopted into Christianity as the patron saint of Irish nuns, newborns, midwives, dairy maids and cattle. Her feast day, Imbolc, February 1st, marks a time of fertility as we head toward longer days of sunlight where the warming of the environment produces fertile flowers, food, and spirit in abundant action compared to that of winter.
In addition to Imbolc, we have the Lunar New Year—the celebration of the New Year marked by East and Southeast Asian cultures observing the first Full Moon after January, signaling the coming of spring and rebirth. The Lunar New year in Chinese tradition marks the turning point between Chinese zodiac signs and is a time of worship for an abundant agricultural harvest to come.
I enjoy how the seasonal year in the Northern Hemisphere plays such a vital role in our biodynamic lives as human beings. As the sun shifts, the moon in reflection of that, the light is impacting the environment around me and I find myself tuning deeper into my own spirituality—how I am shifting, too. It just so happens that I grew up Catholic, of strong Irish descent, and to a spiritual mother engaging in holistic modalities of yoga, naturopathic medicine, and seasonal celebration. I have carried this spirit of seasonal and astrological shifting with me as it resonates so deeply.
Tuning into these seasonal celebrations gives me a sense of relationship to this planet and that grounding sense gives me a platform from which I can relate, root, and grow.
Much of my writings will continue to support this connection of spirituality and relationship to the planet—one facet of what I am relating to in my writings as Spiritual Ecology. This is how I make sense of things in my role as a human being on this planet, going forth on what whatever path life is leading me.
So, welcome—this is me weaving the nest upon which I reflect
The Coming of Spring
As the days have grown longer here in the Northern Hemisphere since Winter Solstice (December 21st), the Sun ever so slightly begins to warm the Earth day by day—coupling a few minutes each morning and each night lengthening the light until we reach Summer Solstice (June 21st).
The increase in light and warmer days will teach us to bloom again and as nature does, our spirit does, too.
I find this turning point more potent and more realistic for “New Year Resolutions” than what has been developed in culture through the celebration of New Years in the Gregorian calendar. The time between Yule/Solstice/Hanukah/Christmas and January first is less of a new start, but more so a period of reflection, settling, and a reexamination of what’s to pass and what’s come.
That fertile time of reflection and reexamination is a great way to conceive the energy that will drive us forward come Imbolc or Midwinter, February first. Allowing this turning point of the season to begin initiating your goals into gear.
For now, the intention is set, the torque and forward momentum begins.
It is a time of intention driving forward. The intention to bloom this spring that will allow us to burn our wild hearts in the heat of summer, and simmer down again come fall before we reflect over winter, yet again.
As warmer days come about, we’ll catch sweet subtleties, crossing our noses and brushing our foreheads, of the thawing nature turning toward spring. This connection letting us know the thrive we seek is gently making its way.
Dealing with winter and spring in society today
There’s a lot of talk, often caught through the internet and social media at this time, about creating new intentions or starting the year fresh. Conversely, in the turn against “New Years Resolutions” of our modern times, there’s also an influx of encouragement to rest more and set less intensions.
I feel there isn’t enough encouragement to tune into whatever it is the spirit wants—there’s always a narrative that it should be one way or the other. I see a lot of go-getters chasing after their new intentions and I see the wellness world pushing back with the narrative to rest, replenish, and formulate yin. While I see the point in both scenarios, the subtleties between both through consumption in media feel loud and overall unsupportive.
I know that rest, replenish, and reflection is important—I’m a Reiki practitioner and integration coach for pete’s sake. At the same time, I know goals, motivation, and discipline are also important—it’s what gets the job done. If I was less mindful about social media consumption, I would be very confused as to which direction to take, I’d be feeling guilt for not having started sooner. But that confusion in and of itself is still medicine.
That confusion, if mindfully aware of it, if willing to listen to it, and work with it, provides a chance to tune into the heart space. It gives a chance to listen to what the spiritual syncing of the mind and body want for the whole somatic vessel, to remain regulated and capable of resting as well as taking action in the most wholesome, aligned way for the individual.
And so here I am, for the first time ever in my life, feeling right-on-damn-time.
Feeling whole. Because I listened to me, my body, and my own needs.
And I hope you give yourself the grace to let that process unfold, too. I hope you’re not rushing into goals, resolutions, and accomplishments. Rather, I hope you are contemplating, feeling the energy of them, being in the idea of them, and slowly approaching action towards accomplishing them in small increments that build overtime. Let your mind know that your body doesn’t move as quickly, that it’s okay to have grace to take the time that the whole synching process needs.
This Time of Fertility: Maternity Leave, Birthing my Baby, and this Substack
Grace and compassion provide the timing
I’ve personally struggled with timing my whole life. I was late a lot, I was a procrastinator, and I sought out special permission to excuse myself. I took on the reflection and judgement of others, told myself how horrible I was, and developed this narrative that I was bad because I was late. My mental chatter was horrible: “just do and be better than this.”
Right, because an ingrained nervous system response like being late is something you just talk yourself out of for the sake of “being better”…
Ultimately, with self-exploration and my studies through psychology and nervous system regulation, I found this mental chatter apart of my shadow- unintegrated, unloved, and a bad part of me. This part of my shadow probably started as protection mechanism stimulated by the nervous system. My body subconsciously protecting me by way of giving into whatever the subconscious needed to feel met which then resulted in being “late” for an event. The protective narrative is: “I am late because if I am listening to myself and what my needs are, I can do what I want to do, I don’t need to respond to others, because others have hurt me in my past, I can be here for me if others can’t.” A lack of trust in others due to trauma from lack of trust in loved ones. (It’s complicated, I’ll dissect this later, but if you know, you know.)
It wasn’t until I gave up the narrative that this was a “bad part of me” and used my will-power to choose to nurse this shadow aspect back to feeling understood or feeling loved despite the “flaw.” It’s been about giving myself the grace, time, and space to fulfill that nourishment in addition to the time it takes to get somewhere “on-time.”Seeing the shadow aspect and saying “I love you, I hear you, let’s get you what you need in enough time to be on time.” It took me the last few years to come to terms with all of this but it’s working.
The medicine for being late, feeling late: grace and compassion + encouragement to live for a chance to try again, everyday, even between failures or missing the timing mark. Grace and compassion weren’t things I really felt I had growing up, or if I did, they came with abuse, a snide remark, or a shit look in the eyes.
Nature isn’t necessarily late. It blooms in the right conditions, it takes the time it needs to gather and collect the resources, finding the right environment to bloom and grow. Humans can take note of that ancient wisdom. Doing what’s right for oneself as it feels right—ultimately crafting a beautiful inner and outer reflection of what feels right.
How timing has actually been quite divine—what I’m here to share:
I’ve always been a writer at heart— journals, blogs, Instagram. But again I battled my shadow and the perception of how I was showing up in the world, especially as I came more into my role as a full-time alternative and complimentary practitioner. What was my identity, and who was I, to be throwing more information out into the world? After two years away from public expression, I learned that people want to connect to the story, they need to relate, and they need a safe space to do it. We all want to feel connected and seen in our humanness, it’s validating, it’s inspiring.
After moving through a trauma-informed training and discovering that some trauma I had already worked through on a mental and emotional level was still stuck in my body, my goal was to move the somatic trauma and come into the space of sharing my wisdom again.
Little did I know the great ball of wisdom that was about to roll through as a result of the movement I unlocked (more on this to come). From January through April of 2023, I really worked through these depths of my own trauma and simultaneously clients were showing up in my office working through some of the same.
Through spring of 2023, my fingers were loaded with the energy to type and share what I’d discovered, the musings of it all. But I felt like I didn’t know where to start.
I sat down with a coach on Friday June 9th and we had come to the conclusion that Substack was where I needed to put my focus. I think to myself: “okay—Substack, that’s it, start there. Monday morning, here I come.”
Monday June 12th rolls around and I’m writing my Morning Pages—I’m waiting and waiting for my monthly period to arrive. My focus is in toward my body, trying to relax enough to allow my bleed to ensue. I pulled a few oracle cards after my writing and this is what I draw:
Here I am thinking, “Wow, my vision for my Substack is really going to come to life!”
After a cascade of synchronicities took place throughout that same day, I meet with a friend for dinner who suggested taking a pregnancy test before consuming a blood stimulant tea. Sure enough, I’m pregnant.
During this card pull, simultaneously it was not just fertility in creating the life for my Substack, I was unknowingly creating the life of my child.
From that positive pregnancy test forward, Substack went out the window—I had to deal with what was right in front of me, in my reality. Two weeks later, first trimester symptoms started full-on and getting anything done around the house, at work, for myself, all seemed near impossible. Of course we can shift our realities and make the time, something I wanted so badly for myself and my business, I just didn't have that spark I had after my meeting with my coach on June 9th. My focus was on carrying this baby, caring for my body, and making it through the work day without napping or vomiting.
The medicine: I gave myself the grace and compassion. I nursed the shadow wound of feeling “late” and kept in mind a quote from my mentor: “We only see 1% of the entire picture in which the universe already knows entirely.” So, I just went with what was in my reality tended to my body, and I continued to dream of one day having my Substack. Maybe in June I had said yes to Substack and the contract was meant to begin at a later time. Ultimately, I wasn’t going to force myself to do something I simply didn’t have the spark to light the fire and if I had waited this long for this writing dream to fruit, I can wait a little longer. I trusted what was prioritizing.
Here I am, nine months later, it’s delivery month: first publication and first baby
For whatever reason the energy has commenced to align during this Midwinter—my baby’s due date is February 17th and I am releasing this first post here on February 5th. The spiritual and the physical are aligning from within to without. It’s happening because I gave myself the time, the space, the grace, and the compassion to grow, to be with what is, and to make the small changes necessary as I felt the urges. I am working on developing without force from the ego’s desire for identity but within flow of the availability of my whole life-force. It’s lining up naturally—it's like my subconscious knows and my ego attachment needed the soothing.
Once things settled down with pregnancy here in the third trimester after travel, baby showers, and the grind of working with clients, my fiancé and I had space to develop a solid business plan over late December to build and integrate projects for 2024. While influencers and wellness babes we’re touting how to live in alignment during New Years and winter, I was fucking intuitively living it already. I did my reflecting over early winter, I planned my seedlings, and I’ve come the turning point toward spring, planted and ready to tend to sprouting.
Ultimately, all together, I am sprouting and birthing: my human baby, my spiritual work in Substack, and in greater picture, another version of myself as the art of a mother.
It is in alignment with Imbolc, Midwinter, a Lunar New Year, and a connection to St. Brigid- patron saint of fertility, poetry, and creativity, newborns, midwives, dairy maids and cattle (lactation).
The spiritual celebrations through these historical traditions with nature’s life-force are reflecting the human process in which I am moving my own life-force. When the human is in alignment with the spiritual process, grace is allowed, compassion is allowed, connection is allowed, feeling seen, loved, and understood is allowed. When we as humans feel allowed, the spark of our inner essence lights a fire that burns so bold it provides the element necessary to be in relationship with all other elements available to us. When we as humans feel allowed, we make moves that no one else can stop, that no one else can compare to. When that energy is alive and invited to connect to life-force around it, being other humans, groups, platforms, nature, we create life together and we do what we were sent here to do: we evolve in flow. This allowance comes from grace, compassion, and relationship to what is, and that is spiritual, that is divine.
Officially on maternity leave Imbolc 2/1 to Spring Equinox 3/21
I have officially entered maternity leave at the start of February and plan to return close to Spring Equinox (March 21st) offering online appointments and making my way slowly back into the office for in-person appointments here in Denver.
I am choosing to give myself even more space away from face-to-face with the world and taking what’s been brewing inside of me and churning it out, baby, substack, projects. Some might be worried that I am doing too much all at once, but honestly, I take it as a right of passage. It’s lining up this way…I’m not going to fight that any longer— that takes more energy than just doing it as it comes through me.
In this time between clients and the arrival of baby, I am spending time writing, organizing, prepping for the year, and giving my body attention to align with the spiritual process of birth.
The nursery is already done—we developed that over time, through small increments over the last four months. The time is for focusing on me and the preparation for the portal from matron to mother.
As many have mentioned to me, the universe speaking through them to me, “It will be amazing to see how this baby transforms your life, how this process of being a mother will transform the way you show up in the world.”
I guess writing this first Substack post is showing me. I guess all this time I’ve waited, all the grace, compassion, and patience I’ve provided for my ego, is reflecting motherhood and the creative life force that truly flows in alignment.
To leave you with a few reflections for yourself:
Do you have goals for yourself that feel tangible or arbitrary at this time?
What small steps does each goal truly require to become more tangible?
What is a truly realistic timeline for you?
What shadow aspects need to be loved and integrated in order to feel safe in showing up for the discipline required in these goals?
Does that push your goal date a bit further out? Do you have compassion for that type of flexibility?
Suggestions for moving through Midwinter
Take a restorative yoga class and grab a new box of tea that feels comforting for this season—trust your intuition on which flavor you gravitate toward first.
Cuddle up with a good book, maybe one that stimulates the concept of creativity and how to show up naturally to your creative processes: Myself and my followers have easily gravitated toward Rick Rubin’s The Creative Act: A Way of Being and a favorite of many is Julia Cameron’s The Artist’s Way
Nourish the Kidneys—in Traditional Chinese Medicine, the kidneys are our deepest energy reserves (they house and filter all the water our body utilizes in every cell!). Here’s a list of foods and mindful tools to support the kidneys.
Take a bath! Meditate! Listen to the heart space and what it wants for the seasons to come—but remind yourself, there’s no rush, only knowing.
Thank you for your time and attention here today. I hope you enjoyed this post. If so, please feel free to subscribe and upgrade at any time.